Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
