genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize