If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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