Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
