She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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