bring money and cleavage
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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