return my video game
why didn't you poke me back
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
