well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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