New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
