It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
