You smell like stripper and shame
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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