This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
