If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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