Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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