how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself