I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
