great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital