I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
