just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
