there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
