I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
