he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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