dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
