i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is Oprah even human
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
