So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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