Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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