I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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