worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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