something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
