And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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