my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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