Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
