i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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