So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
