im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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