Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
