But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
