apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
