it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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