Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
