Where is the hickey?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
