Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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