my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
