I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize