Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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