Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
