Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
