i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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