Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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