Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
