pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
