seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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