Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
