His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
