i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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