do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
