Someone shit on the floor
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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