Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
