Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize