I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
