Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
