Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well you can't waste a boner
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
