okay pat passed out under dana's car
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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