when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
