It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
