aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
