Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
