just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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