Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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