Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
