I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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