Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
