She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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