1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
